He said be quiet now…as I kiss you.
His mouth like pale pink rose petals;
Eyes, reflective like a porcelain framed mirror.
I like kissing you, this and that of you
And on your hands through the slender
Bones of your fingers.
You make my muscles tense.
I like kissing you, your ins and outs
Right side up and upside downs
From naval to spine.
I like kissing you the way waves
Kiss the first inches of shore.
The same way these pink and orange vibrations of
Color ease their way from day to night.

He reached out, his old skin blushing
Against my shoulder blades.
I know how this looks…
All of these aromas of your flesh
Tracing over me,
Percolating
Into my pores until I taste you
From inside of my own mouth.

Each time I lift my arms for you and you are gone,
You will still be destined for me.
Each hour of each day and all of those
Moments in between-
I will remember how I scaled your body
For my mouth to seek you
Under your merciless fume of sweetness.
Each time I breathe before the extent of
Life has been extinguished-
You will be destined for only my arms.
But for now…you must remain quiet…
Quiet, and mine.

There was nothing…
Nothing but night.
And all those nights-they were the same;
All of them dark.
Hours, seconds, slowly extinguishing.
Putting off dawn and morning lights
To preserve a sky that blooms like candles.
These moments
They descend
Until I swear all that remains are the arrangements
For the sum of my whole.
And all of those nights-they were silent;
More silent than any sunbeam opening over the ocean.
But under sunbeams I can touch you in my mind,
Feral
And suddenly you are utterly infinite.

Under sunbeams I can touch your skin,
And from within
You have returned.

There is a love
So profound
That its suffering is like death;
Only sweet on my tongue,
As on my tomb.

I had seen you as such…
Indifferent.
A slow, floating path of light.
As cool as every blue wave that entered your hands;
The way he lay me beside his thighs at dusk,
Salt through my bones-
I’ve turned to rust.
I’ve been sick now, through my eyes and fingers,
The scent of a man
On a dark roof.

I do not belong…
To you. Bitter, whom I’ve
Spread drought through like a desert.
But I like it. The way I desire you in your absence.
The ash of our skin glowing by a fire
Like gold breeding in your roots.
I still breathe in Autumn like cardinals
Bleeding from my hair;
And I smell you. Scent of a man.
So strong, penetrating, forcing air into my lungs.

I knew your ghost had reappeared
Once I felt your taste in my mouth-
Whispers in my ear-
Like little demons climbing out for air.

I see creatures.
Their faces are just a glimpse
In the darkness, of the darkness.
Isabella sings their tune…
We will never be alone.
Never be alone.
Never alone.
Never wanting
Or okay,
I know that we will never be alone.

Curiosity is an attempt to make sense of the world
I see their shadows and I know 
That we will never be alone.

(A friend asked me to create a piece for him that’s based on his feelings for me, but written from his point of view…this is what I wrote.)

You’re sitting outside my home, quiet, serene. Skin like cotton overcasts, as if you are blended so smoothly with the rising air. I had dreamed of you the night before  while you slept with your back to me, cold and callous. Gracefully unromantic. I admired you even then, both your eyes flickering in the dusty shadows. I wanted morning to come with you, undressing you in your robe, through coffee mug skin and the bones of your fingers.

I long for mornings. 

My chest beats freely in flight awaiting for sunrise to uncover the history I’ve bore to myself. Brisk breaths of your unyielding solace escape from your lips when you kiss me by the foggy kitchen windows.

I should take you to the Grand Canyon,
Where suns burn brighter and a breath speaks its own language.
I could go anywhere with you and be happy.

Captain…fragrance of a clear night,
Overtaken by light descending through my bones.
You are as complicated as…Seattle sun.
Simply so intricate. Rare.
Every freckle-every spot-trace your skin
And limbs-like chicken pox.

Behind me
As you move
Those delicate hands around the air,
Your eyes are hand painted.
My spirit is split from music, to the embodiment
Of all my atoms;
The pulsating swell of beats
Flooding through my blood,
My chest.

With your lips
My mouth felt a little less cold to me.
I forged my words from seas and stars-
From what I breathe,
A fragrance of clear night
Eminent dusts of pure ascending light.

I can smell you in the fresh air…
In the rain outside of my door.
I still taste every song you wrote-
Breathing life in me…onto my lips.
I’ve been too lonesome to call you,
I see you’ve got a garden, and a beautiful black wife.
I bet you’re happy at home-
Never alone-
That’s quite a life.
I love your daughters curly dark hair.
She’s wearing the clothes that you would wear.
I’m sorry I’m here-and you’re not with me,
That you think we’d perfect-and that I don’t agree…

I’ve moved on-with a family-
Content, but sick since my goodbye.
I drink and I drink-then I overthink-
Denial. Denial. A lie.

Even the stars carry names.
They rotate the skies, but they never change.
I want to move on-not sing a long-
Or get lost in you.
I’d rather be one with the air-
I remember your face as rain
Dripped through our hair.
You grabbed me by hand-
Sailed streets for dry land.
I got lost in you.

And I sit alone
On a leather couch,
I’ve got nothing left for me to think about.
Its all been said-
Still etched in my head,
But I have come to terms…

I still taste every song that you wrote-
Breathing life in me…onto my lips and down my throat.
I’ve been too lonesome to call you,
I see you’ve got a garden, and a beautiful black wife.
I bet your happy at home-
Never alone-
That’s quite a life.
I wish I had that disguise.

Where have you been?
I’ve not been waiting-
But I’ve been around;
I’ve felt infinitely better
Since I’ve left this town.
Blind, but alright. Blind…but alright,
Nothing like dying instead of having to fight.
Blind, but alright. Blind…but still breathing.
I’ve been just fine, just fine, and I was just leaving.

Then up from the steps-your face on the queue-
Rain pouring down on those within view.
Your mouth slides up to the top of your cheeks-
With a breath,
A breath,
My bones hear you speak…..

Your fingertips reached out-
Built a spark in my boat,
Burned through my sails-
Slid down through my throat.
You kissed me heavily-
Turned my tongue into smoke,
The verses reciting
Til I started to choke.

Your voice uplifted into my chest,
Through my ribcage
And into my breath,
Deep in my lungs
Drowning me like death
Death, Death, Death;
I still feel you everywhere-
From my legs.
My palms,
Through the roots of my hair,
You have me drowning like
Death, Death, Death;
Oh.
With your hands trapped in my lungs,
Waiting for your verse to come,
Just waiting for you to come…
Oh, Oh, Ohhh.
Just waiting for you to come.
Just waiting for you to come.
Up through my feet
And filling my lungs
Back to where we started from;
Oh, Oh, Oh.

Then during the chorus-it started to show-
I’ve not been waiting-
But I’ve been unwilling to go.

When the morning sun-began to rise,
It burned out my heart just like-fireflies.
Softly you whispered, so deep my bones would break,
How softly I dreamt, until cried myself awake.

Your beating heart is a hymn,
An ocean,
Like music from inside your chest.
Echoing through the layers of your skin-
Mounting in between my breasts.

I’ve tried to flood the engines,
Drink any time I’ve mentioned your name inside my mouth.
My eyes want to know what it is my fingertips had felt-
I’m just one more day to kill your lover-
Steal the cards you weren’t dealt.
Here is the lesson I keep relearning from you…..
You don’t always live like you think that you’re meant to.

They wanna know.

I kept your tongue wrapped safe behind my teeth-
This is all that you dream
Take your ship out to sea.
You barrel down inside the deck-
I’m asleep in the rain,
One more kiss on my chilled lips
Sent sparks to my brain.
Waves are crashing in, we’re the only souls around,
Find our bodies washed up 20 miles from coast of Puget Sound.

I know that this is all you want; the beach, disposable cameras.
(Til our end)
I know that this is all you want; the beach, disposable cameras.
(Til our end)
I know that this is all you want; the beach, disposable cameras.
(We all want the nova for ourselves)

Here is the lesson I keep relearning from you…..
You don’t always die like you think that you’re meant to.